England in Wonderland
by DeathSiren
Summary: England takes a trip in wonderful Wonderland. Wearing a dress.
1. Through the door we go

"Bloody hell Alfred! Do you ever stop talking?" Arthur clamped his hands over his ears, but it wasn't enough to drown out Alfred's ranting. The American just continued, oblivious to Arthur's complaints. With an aggravated sigh, Arthur leaned on the trunk of the tree who was shading them. He closed his eyes, trying to relax. He was about to drift off when he heard a soft, but audible voice, frantically saying:

"Oh dear, oh dear. I'm late! I'm late!"

Arthur turned his head, and saw Matthew, wearing red coat with tails, holding a golden pocket watch. "What the hell are you wearing, lad?" Arthur called, but Matthew ignored him. "Alfred! Alfred, you git, look at that!" He shook Alfred's shoulder, trying to get his attention. Alfred didn't even respond.

He looked back at Matthew, just in time to see the Canadian jump into a rabbit hole. A fairly large rabbit hole. He got up and ran over to the hole, and looked down into its depths. "Matthew! Stop, lad! Where are-Ack!" His hand slipped, and he fell right in to the dark hole.

He stumbled through the darkness, his hands flailing about trying to grab hold of anything. To his surprise, he caught hold of an umbrella. He hurriedly opened it, and as he hoped, it acted as a parachute for him, helping him gently float down.

Arthur squinted in the darkness, but it surprisingly got lighter as he descended in the hole. And oddly enough, there were other objects floating about, like books, plates, lamps,etc. But as he got lower in the hole, it got dark again, and suddenly his umbrella stopped working, and he plummeted down.

"BLOODY HELL!"

He landed on a dirty ground with a thump. Rubbing his eyes, he got up, and looked around. His eyes caught sight of a little door, and he saw Matthew run into it. " Matthew! Hold on lad!" He ran towards the door, but it shut behind Matthew, and then...It shrunk.

"Damn it, what's going on!"He crouched down and yanked at the tiny door knob a few times, but it wouldn't budge. Arthur kicked at the ground angrily. Looking around some more, he saw no other way out of the hole. "Ugh...how do I get out of here?"

In one corner, there was a little table with a bottle, labeled 'Drink me!'. Arthur noticed, and approached the little table. Curiously, he picked up the bottle, and sniffed its contents. It didn't seem to be poisonous...

Carefully, he drank it, and found it to be sweet and pleasant. He drank a little more, smacking his lips. Then, the room began growing larger and larger. Arthur was alarmed, but couldn't do anything. The room continued to enlarge until he only reached a quarter of the table leg. He grumbled angrily, but quickly realized that he was now small enough to go into the door.

He ran to the door, and tugged on the knob once more, but it still wouldn't budge. With any angry growl he kicked at it. "Ow! Stop that, will you?" A face appeared on the door knob, one resembling Francis. " You will dent my lovely wood!"

Recoiling in disgust,he looked at the knob disdainfully. "This day just keeps on getting bloody worse."" _Oui,_ it does." The knob said grudgingly.

"How the bloody hell do I open you?" Arthur yelled at the door. "Why, you need the key, _monsieur_." "And where is the bloody key?" "On the table." And then he saw it, the gold key, sitting on the table like it had always been there. And perhaps it had.

"What do I do now..?" Arthur seethed. And then he noticed another table, a really tiny one, next to the bigger table's leg. He approached it, and saw that it had a bunch of little cakes, saying 'Eat me!'. He quickly ate one, and he grew at once.

Unfortunately, he really should have tested it first, as he kept growing and growing and growing. His head brushed the cave's ceiling. He swore briefly, but picked up the key from the table.

He was so frustrated. First he was to big to get through the door, then he got small enough and found it locked, and now he was too big again! He growled angrily. "Well, _monsieur,_ what do you intend to do now?"

"You be quiet, you damn Frenchie! I should rip you off your hinges and-" As England cursed the French door, the door himself noticed that there was still some left in the 'drink me' bottle. The door knob coughed meaningfully, and silently indicated this. Arthur looked at the table, and saw the bottle. He grabbed it, and drank down every last drop. Another mistake, unfortunately, because he shrunk smaller and smaller, to the point that the door seemed a little large. The key was now as tall as his legs.

Arthur was speechless, but nonetheless, he manage to unlock the door ("Ouch! Be careful, you barbarian!"), and stepped through . And just in time, he saw Matthew run through another opening. "Matthew!Wait!" He called.

"Now before you do anything," The knob said, "There is one thing I must do." There was a sound of someone snapping their fingers, and a brief flash of light. When the light cleared, England saw that he was wearing...a dress. A blue dress, with a white apron, and shoes and long socks to match. And a headband. "What the hell is this, you git?" He yelled at the knob. The knob merely smirked, and the face disappeared.

Arthur swore briefly, but quickly chased after Matthew into the darkness.


	2. Twins, Crows, and Ancient Rome

Arthur ran through the dark tunnel, until he saw a gloomy light at the end. He hurried through it, and found himself standing in a wide, misty cavern with water reaching his knees. He saw Matthew running into the mist. He called his name, but the boy still ignored him. It was now he noticed that Matthew had two long, white rabbit ears, coming out of his head. Arthur hesitated, and lost sight of him in the mist.

He waded in the water a little, and found a small opening, half-submerged in the pool. He tried to get through, but he was too big. After awhile, he admitted defeat.

He looked about, trying to find another exit. There was no other opening, but he did see a pair of white gloves, and a fan at the edge of the gloves had the initials 'W.R.' stitched on a corner. The fan bore the same initials on the handle. Remembering the Matthew's rabbit ears, Arthur assumed the boy dropped these as he ran.

Arthur picked up the fallen items, and looked around for Matthew, but he nowhere near. As he contemplated what to do, he noticed that he had unconciously put on the gloves, and was now fanning himself. And the more he did this, the smaller he quickly dropped the fan, and pulled off the gloves, before he shrunk out of existance. After a brief sigh of relief, he noticed a familiarity in the events he experienced. He felt like he'd read or seen them somewhere before...He shook his head. He had more things to worry about.

He suddenly remembered the small opening, and realized that he might be small enough to get through. So again, he waded into the water to the opening. He had shrunk just enough to squeeze Arthur found himself standing in a big beach. The mist seemed less here, and he caught sight of a figure running, repeating the words, "I'm late! I'm late! I'm terribly late!" Once again, he called to Matthew, and chased after him, but to now avail." Now what?" Arthur muttered. He looked around, trying to figure out what to do next.

At the edge of the shore, there was big, clear bottle, floating on the water. It was big enough for Arthur to ride. And seeing as there was no boat anywhere, the Englishman carefully stepped in, and the bottle was pushed from the shore by a big wave.

As he floated in the big bottle, Arthur heard a distant singing, getting gradually louder. A little ahead, in a big boat with a lot of pretty women, was Ancient Rome. He was wearing a smart black jacket, and was the source of the singing. He raised a hand to shield his eyes, and all of a sudden, his eyes spotted something in the distance. He shouted, "Land ho!". His boat went in that direction, and Arthur's bottle seemed to follow them.

They reached an Island, and Rome stepped off his boat, and stood on an old tree stump, resuming his singing. The women danced around him in a circle.

Arthur's bottle hit the shore of the island a minute later, and he stepped on to the sand. He gave a curious glance at Rome and his harem, thinking of asking them about Matthew, but decided against it. They didn't look very the edge of the beach, there was a forest, and once again Arthur heard the soft voice saying "I'm late!I'm late!"

Arthur turned his head sharply, and saw Matthew run into the forest. "Wait! Matthew!" He chased after Matthew again, but lost him in the trees. "Damn.." He muttered. He didn't notice two pairs of eyes watching him from the shadows.

While Arthur was looking through a thicket of branches, two figures hopped out from the shadows. "I'll need to get around these- wait, who are you?" He was startled as he turned, and saw the two people. They were twins, almost totally identical. After he got past the surprise, he recognized them as Feliciano and Lovino, the two Italies. Both were wearing red suspenders and yellow shirts with blue collars.

"What the hell..." Arthur said quietly, as the two stepped in front of him and blocked his way.

Feliciano smiled and said, "I'm Felidee!"

Lovino scowled and said, "I'm Lovidum!"

And together they said, "Who are you?"

Arthur gave them a weird look, but said, "I'm Arthur. Have you seen Ma- I mean, the umm.." Remembering the white rabbit ears, and the initials on the fan and gloves, he said, "The White Rabbit? Have you seen him?" He regretted asking, however. The two looked at each other, then at him, and answered:

"Seen him, we have!"Felidee said.

"But answer, why should we?" Lovidum sneered.

"Know you, we don't!"

"Be the Queen's enemy, you might!"

Arthur raised a brow. "What queen?"

"No answers, you'll get!"

"A stranger, you are!"

The two stood fixed him with their suspicious stares, and continued to stand in his way. Arthur knew there was no way they'd let him through, as long as they didn't trust him. "I'm not an enemy." He said carefully. "I'm just following the rabbit. I'm not even from here."

"Lying, you might be!" Felidee insisted.

"Watch you, we will!" Lovidum declared.

-several hours later-

Arthur was bored out of his mind. The two had indeed watched him, and refused to let him go on. He tried running, sneaking away, and even just walking around them, but each time they thwarted his atttepts. So Arthur had seated himself on a tree stump, thinking of his next move, while Felidee and Lovidum argued.

"Spoiled it, you did!" Lovidum shouted, giving his brother a harsh whack."Sorry, I am!" Felidee cried. Arthur glared at the two of them. "What's your problem now?" He asked irritatedly. "Spoiled my rattle, he did!" Lovidum growled, holding up a dirty, battered rattle, while pointing an accusing finger at his brother. "Mean to, I did not!" Felidee said with tears welling up in his eyes. "Sorry, I am!"

Arthur looked at the rattle. "You're mad over that old thing?" He asked, making a disgusted face. "Old, it is not!" Lovidum said angrily. "Bought it yesterday, I did!" "Only played with it, I did!" Felidee said. "Drop it, I didn't mean to!"

As the two argued some more, Arthur remembered an old nursery rhyme he had heard:

_Tweedledee and Tweedledum resolved to have a battle._

_For Tweedledee, said Tweedledum,_

_Had spoiled his nice new rattle._

_But then flew by a monstous crow,_

_As big as a tar barrel._

_Which frightened both the heroes so,_

_And they quite forgot their quarrel._

"They're fighting now...so where's that monstrous crow?" Arthur wondered to himself. As if to answer, a great wind suddenly blew over them, along with sound of heavy wings beating. Felidee and Lovidum were immediately silenced, and they looked to the sky with frightened eyes.

Over the treetops suddenly came two black figures. Felidee and Lovidum cried out fearfully, and began to run away, to hide behind the trees. The two black figures landed right in front of Arthur, and he recognized them as Roderich Edelstein, and Antonio Carriedo.

Roderich and Antonio both had a pair of black crow's wings jutting from their backs. Both wore black and white versions of their clothes, with black feathers around the neckline, hem, and sleeves of the shirt. There were talons on their shoes.

Roderich glared about with aristocratic disdain. "Felidee, come out right this instant!" He said loudly. "Lovidum, you too!" Antonio added, but without the anger in Roderich's voice. Slowly, Felidee and Lovidum emerged from the trees, and stood before the two crows. "You've been causing trouble again!" Roderich scolded Felidee. "What am I to do with you? Every moment I turn my back, you are up to mischief!" Felidee cowered where he stood, and said, "Sorry, I am, sir!"

"And you, Lovi." Antonio said. "You've been fighting with your brother again. What have I told you about that?" "Listen to you, why should I?" Lovino said grumpily, crossing his arms. "Now, now, Lovi, don't be like that." Antonio said playfully. "I wouldn't want to call Francis-" Immediately, Lovidum's eyes grew wide and frightened. "Do that, Please don't!" He begged. Antonio laughed lightly, and patted his head.

Roderich noticed Arthur for the first time. "And who are you? Have these two been bothering you?" He asked. "A little." Arthur said. Realizing neither Roderich nor Antonio could recognize him, he added, "I'm Arthur Kirkland. I was following the White Rabbit." "Who?" Antonio wondered. " It's hard to explain." Arthur said. "But anyway, I was following him, and these two stopped me. They said I might be an enemy of the queen. Whoever that is." "The queen..." Roderich said. "You'll have to forgive these two. The queen is a fearsome woman, and is not very friendly to strangers. Everyone is afraid of her."

"And I guess you aren't from here, are you, _señor?" _Antonio said. "Everyone here knows the queen of Wonderland." "No, I'm from a different world, I suppose. I'm in Wonderland, you say?" Arthur nodded."I saw the white rabbit, and fell in a hole when I tried to follow him. That hole took me here."Arthur explained. "And you are wearing a dress why..?"Roderich asked, eyeing the blue dress with obvious confusion. "A bloody doorknob did this." He grumbled. "Stupid git..." "You must be talking about Francis." Antonio said. "He can possess objects with his magic, and sometimes does odd things to strangers he doesn't like."

"That makes sense." Arthur muttered. Returning his attention to Antonio and Roderich, he asked, "Is there any way out of Wonderland?" "None that we know of." Roderich replied. "But if I were you, sir, I woud keep following that rabbit. If it led you here, it could lead you out. " "I would but I don't know where it went." Arthur shot the twins a glare. "These two here won't tell me." "Is that so?" Antonio said."Well, you two, you heard him. You should go and tell him where the rabbit went. Or better yet, to make up for the trouble you caused, go show him."

So Felidee and Lovidum looked at each other, and with a sigh, led the way. Arthur hurried to keep up. Before he was too far, though, Roderich called after him. "If you see a dove, with brown hair and green eyes," He said, "Please tell her I'm looking for her. She's my wife, and I haven't seen her as of late. Her name is Elizaveta." Arthur shouted back a yes, then pushed past the trees and branches to catch up with the twins.

After several minutes of stumbling through bushes, and getting scratched by stray branches, he found the two standing in a clearing. They stood on either side of a path, leading to a cute little house in the distance. "That way, he went!" Lovidum said. "To you, good luck!" Felidee said. Then they both ran back into the thicket, and disappeared.

Arthur was left alone, so he began walking towards the little house. It was a cute, and slightly girlish cottage, and it was clean and well kept. Arthur began walking through the little garden gate, when Matthew threw open the front door, looking at his gold pocket watch in a distressed manner. He was now wearing a red and white messenger's outfit, with a large heart decorating the white chest of the shirt. The rest of the shirt was red, while the pants were metallic blue.

Matthew looked up from his watched, and finally noticed Arthur. "Mary Ann," He said. "What are you doing out here? Oh, nevermind. Please get my gloves and fan from my bedroom. I'm terribly late."He glanced at his watch, and gave a small 'eep!'. "Hurry, Mary Ann!" He added urgently. "Please get my things!"

Arthur opened his mouth to speak, but Matthew had gently pushed him through the front door of his home. "I'll wait outside, Mary Ann!" Matthew said. "Hurry!" So Arthur reluctantly followed his orders. Besides, he thought, if I give him his things, maybe he'll listen to me for awhile.

Arthur went to the house's second floor, where he found Matthew's bedroom. There was a fan on top of the dresser, and inside the drawer there were several pairs of white gloves. But as he reached for the objects, he noticed a little chest filled with the 'eat me' cakes. "I'm tired of being this small." Arthur thought. He took one, and learning from his past mistakes, only took a small bite.

Sadly, the cakes' effect was a little stronger than before, as Arthur soon discovered. He felt himself growing and growing, until his head touched the ceiling. He continued to grow, until his arms were forced out of the windows, and his legs out the bedroom door, then out of the house.

Outside, Matthew was getting nervous, glancing repeatedly at his watch. "Where's Mary Ann?" He thought worriedly. "I'm terribly late! The queen will have my head!" He was very surprised when a giant foot suddenly pushed his front door open, and pushed him out his garden gate. He gave a frightened cry of, "Monster! Someone help!"

Just then, Rome came up from the road(which Arthur could've taken, instead of the jungle path. Oh well). He was whistling a merry tune, and seemed to be in high spirits, when Matthew ran to him for help. "There's a monster in my house!" Matthew said, pointing to his home. His quiet voice was now, at the very least, audible. "Please help me!" Rome took one look at the house filled with Arthur, and grinned. "A monster? Not a problem!" He said, walking up to the house with a confident swagger. "Excuse me, Mr. Monster," He called through a window. "Would you mind leaving this house now?" "That won't work!" Matthew said exasperatedly. "Please find another way!"

Rome thought for a moment, then a brilliant idea struck him. "We'll climb down the chimney, and force it out!" He said grandly. "That's alright, I guess, but how are you going to get to the chimney?" Matthew asked. Rome thought some more, and then a young man came walking up with a ladder. "You there!" Rome called to him. "Yes, you with the ladder! Come here!" The man gave him a puzzled look, but walked over. "I want you to climb up there," Rome said, gesturing at the house's roof, "And climb down the chimney. Can you do that?" The man shrugged, and set his ladder next to the wall. He began to climb up to Matthew's chimney.

Meanwhile, Arthur struggled to free himself. He squirmed and tried to free his limbs, but it was to no avail. He didn't notice soot and ash coming from the fireplace, as the young man came down the chimney. He was concentrating on getting his arm unstuck from the window. It was tightly squeezed by the window, and was getting a little painful. And just as the young man appeared in the fireplace, Arthur's arm was yanked free, his elbow jabbing towards the unfortunate man. With a cry, the man clambered up the chimney(with a lot of difficulty, but he did it) and scrambled down the ladder. "How did it go?" Rome asked, and in reply the man ran away screaming, while clutching his bleeding nose.

"This is a dangerous situation." Rome said thoughtfully. "That's horrible!" Matthew said. "Please do something!" "I have it!" Rome said, as a new though struck him. "We'll burn down your house, with the monster inside!" "What?" Matthew cried unhappily. "You can't-" "Let's get started!" Rome said enthusiastically, ignoring poor Matthew. He smashed the nearest window(making Matthew cry out in distress), and jumped inside the house. Then he began chucking various furniture out the window.

"Please stop!" Matthew begged. But Rome was too busy piling the furniture next to the house to listen. By now, a group of bystanders had gathered, and were watching the scene with interest. Rome finished his work, and brought out a book of matches. "Prepare to taste fiery death, monster!" He shouted grandly, as he tried to get a match lit. "What?" Arthur cried out from inside the house. "Wait, no! I'm not-"

"Be quiet, monster!" One of the bystanders shouted. He picked up a stone from the ground, and threw it at Arthur. "Yeah, be quiet!" Another shouted. He mimicked the first person, and threw a stone as well. Soon the whole crowd was throwing stones, and shouting excitedly all the while. The stones did little to hurt Arthur, though, just barely tapping his arms and legs. Though of course, they were extremely annoying. "Stop that!" Arthur shouted, opening a window at his face with his extended arm. "I'm not a-" A stone flew right into Arthur's mouth, and he gagged a little. But as he tasted it on his tongue, he realized it tasted just like the liquid in the 'drink me' bottle. Immediately, he opened his mouth again, and swallowed more of the stones.

Everything began to grow larger, as he shrank down. But unfortunately, he had eaten too much, and he shrank too much as well. He kept shrinking until he didn't even reach half of a table leg. Outside, the people shouted excitedly, thinking that the 'monster' had been vanquished. They didn't see that poor Arthur had shrunk to the size of a mouse. Arthur began scampering out of the room, and towards the house's door, before Rome burned it down.

"Please stop now!" Matthew begged Rome, not noticing Arthur scamper out the door. "The monster is gone, you don't have to-eep!" He squeaked loudly, glancing at his watch once more. "I'm late! Oh dear! The queen will have my head!" He ran towards the forest, just as Arthur was about to tug on his pant leg. "Matthew! Wait!" Arthur shouted, but his tiny voice didn't reach. He ran after Matthew, and into the forest.

Meanwhile, Rome had finally gotten a match burning... Matthew's house was doomed.

* * *

Um hey there. : ) sorry this is so late..and short...but I'm working on the rest of it already! I'll work hard so I can upload it soon!I hope you enjoyed reading :D

Oh and please point out any grammar mistakes. I'd appreciate that, thanks :D


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